Is it me?

This nagging feeling hangs over me.  It's one thing when you lose people.  When you attend a funeral, you know where things stand.  Sometimes there are questions/feeling never discussed.  Sometimes there is closure, or even relief for many reasons.  The hardest things is losing people who are where they have always been.  They are among you, they have ties to the community.  They live among you.  Blood is thicker than water.  Family love is enduring, and unconditional.  People who say these things, know nothing of disfunctional families.  These families are disfunctional to their core.  Reversed parental roles, children are the strengths for their parents, encouraging them.  Selfish parents that guilt their kids, well for just about anything.  "oh you think you are better than everyone".  It's funny how they can accept each others disfunction, it's better to talk behind each others backs, kiss the asses who disrespect us.  But when it is pointed out how unhealthy these dysnamics are, we become the outsiders.   And always at the end of the day, we ask ourselves, is it us?  Am I the unhealthy one?  Am I too honest, blunt?  I mean after all they are the ones that are surrounded with people, and I stand alone.  Their smiling picture today, show no remorse, they continue unphased without me.  It's one things when your father is a small part in your childhood...and even now.  Mentally ill mother, ill step father.  Grandmother whom disowns you.  "mom" "dad" grandma, sister, implies so much.  Sometimes I don't know if I long for their connect, or the idea of a "mom" someone to be my rock, sound of reason, my cheer leader, loves me unconditionally.  A sister who I can share growing older and kids, a life with.  I know that these people never will fit the roles they automaticlly assigned to them.  Have I failed, or have they. 
I'm at a point where I know I'm not who I should or want to be but I don't know how to be anything else, or how to get forward.  I woke up today, and got dressed, what else is there?  I feel like a drone, going through the motions Getting further, but always where I started.
Today is my pitty day, and my period of course doesn't help.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.